Monday, January 6, 2014

Stop Living in Your Head: A Message for Women

Stop living in your head!
Recent conversations and events have lead me to come back to my blog.   This is the first time since releasing my book that I have had a moment to just sit and type out my thoughts.  What I am about to say may rub some women the wrong way but there is an overwhelming feeling that I MUST submit this entry and do it quickly.

I want to handle this subject gently because I am certain a few egos will be braised during this blog moment. 

I have heard stories from male friends of women stalking them, calling them incessantly and proclaiming he is their husband.  This concerns me, especially when the man doesn’t even know you exist.  I understand there are two sides to every story and in some cases there are men who lead women to believe there is something more to their friendly exchanges.  I plan on addressing the men in my next blog but right now I want to talk with my ladies. Ladies, you must allow a love interest to share a mutual interest with you. 

How many times have one of your girlfriends gone on a date with a guy and planned out her entire future with him based on ONE date?  I believe that some women have become so desperate to find romantic love that they create these fantasies in their minds.  They have imaginary love interests, imaginary boyfriends and imaginary fianc├ęs’.  The imagination is a tricky thing indeed.
I had one friend who told me this woman he met casually at a dinner party went so far as to show up at his job telling everyone they were engaged.  How she found his job remains a mystery to me.  He said he didn’t even have her phone number.  I guess if you’re desperate enough you can find ways to get what you want.   This is extremely delusional and it alarms me. 
You have to remain clear of what is truly going on in any situation involving you and someone you are interested in.    Sometimes your friends can make matters worse.  I remember going on a date with this guy and one of my girlfriends (and her husband) had completely planned out my wedding after I told them about the date.  She had chosen the colors of the wedding, the reception, what time it should start for the best lighting and the location.  As she was planning this premature wedding I couldn’t help but think “Are you that concerned that no one will love me that I need to snag this guy after one date?  Geez!  Are you serious?  I’m glad I believe in my future.”  

I'm not certain if our fascination for weddings and spouses are remnants of those girlhood dreams some of us had for marriage, babies and a life of perfect love where they live happily ever after but the reality is in times like these we must be certain we understand singular (self) love first.   

I know finding the love of a lifetime may be difficult for some.   I ought to know I have been single for quite some time but honestly, tricking someone into loving you or trying to convince them that you are the one for them is a big fat waste of time. 

I have a good number of platonic male friends and one thing they all tell me is when a man meets a woman he feels he can’t live without, he will do everything in his power to pursue her.  If a man is not pursuing you, he is not interested in you. Period. 
  • You can’t cook your way into his heart. 
  • You can’t go by his house and start playing good housekeeper. 
  • Manipulating his children into liking you is a waste of time. 
  • And please, please, please know that you can sex a man until his privates ache but if he is not interested in you, you will quickly become a sex toy and not his woman.  So put down your kama sutra handbooks and start working on developing yourself as a woman first.   (If he needs these things he can hire a cook, a maid, a baby sitter or a sex buddy.)  Trust me that is not the role you wanna play because you will be dropped when he finds who he’s looking for.  
My desire for women everywhere is that we learn who we are, what we need, why we are here and harness our energy into being a great woman because when you radiate self love you become irresistible.  Stop hunting these men...  Women are not designed to hunt for love.  Fall in love with you and understand your value.  Once you really get this the right man will come along. 

All my love to you!

Dr. Jeri


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