Sunday, July 15, 2012

Detach & Be Free!!


 (artist unknown)


This weekend some friends and I were sharing life experiences and it still amazes me how manipulative people can be.  This week I'm going to jump right in because I want you to learn this lesson early in life.  

People will come into your life for various reasons.  If you live long enough you will interact with someone who has ill intentions towards you.  I remember in school before I had a car there was a classmate who would offer to drive me to different places.  Her comment was, “I have to go there anyway so why don’t you ride with me.  You can take care of what you need to do while I'm out and about.”  

It all seemed simple but her gifts and acts of kindness came with a price.  She would often wait a few days before asking me to do something outrageously time-consuming for her.  I knew her intentions were wrong because she would use that moment to remind me of how gracious she was to me before demanding that I do something for her as a “payback.”  Well, it only took a one or two times for me to realize I needed to decline her "kind gestures" because her gifts always had strings attached.  

Don’t misunderstand me.  I love rendering acts of kindness to people especially the people I care about.  I also like it when people do nice things for me.  What I don’t like are manipulative people who do things with ulterior motives.  Don’t like it and I never will.  

Whenever someone tries to manipulate (control or handle a person, cleverly, unscrupulously or unfairly) you into doing something against your will they are not a true friend.  Here are a few characteristics of a manipulative person so you know what to avoid.  

Manipulative people:

1. Can be bossy or pushy
2. Use people to accomplish their wants
3. Can be very sneaky and secretive withholding details and information
4. Often lie or exaggerate the truth
5. Use information shared in confidence against you
6. Seldom are thankful.  Make you feel like you owe them
7. Like to keep confusion going in a group
8. Demand attention 
9. Are often jealous and vengeful
10. Are boastful/ “Me, Myself and I” mindset
11. Give gifts and render favors with the sole purpose of manipulating (I did something for you, now you are obligated to do something for me)

You should be able to have a friendship where the person genuinely wants to give to you with NO STRINGS ATTACHED.  I know the picture above is a little disturbing but it reminds me of what manipulated people look like.    When you find these characteristics in someone close to you consider reevaluating your friendship.  Don’t be afraid to distance yourself from this person or even end the relationship if it becomes too demanding.   You deserve to be in close relationship with people who truly care for you.  Anything less hinders you from living your best life.  Detach yourself from controlling manipulative relationships and BE FREE!!!  


1 comment:

Ask Aunt Barb said...

Dr.Jeri,
Excellent article....great outlay of what to watch for when forming lasting relationships. Our youth need expert tried advice for how to connect, and who to connect to. Thank you for all you share, your wisdom is pure!

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